This Environment Breeds Conflict

I have said this before but it deserves repeating: This environment cultivates arguments. It is hard leaving the comfortable behind and stepping into the unknown. Many military spouses fight and you have to remember that it is OK as long as you are communicating openly.

…….as I am writing this I am realizing that I am repeating it because I need to hear it, not because I need to remind a reader. Plus, there may never be a person who reads this blog anyways! But for anyone who is reading…….I think I owe my husband an apology. I know that I am taking out my frustrations and insecurities out on him.

From a young age I knew what I wanted to be and what I wanted to do with my life. I went to college and worked multiple jobs while also tutoring and volunteering at schools to get my foot in the door. By the age of 22 I was starting my first year as a teacher and I was able to provide for myself financially. I worked hard to quickly gain standing at my school and build relationships with my colleagues.

Last year, I made the choice to leave and come with my husband on this new adventure. While I don’t regret my choice, it does come with its share of challenges. For the first time in years I have had to depend on another person to take care of me. Some days I feel like I don’t have anything to bring to this partnership. Right now I am depending on him for more than I would be normally. I don’t have a job yet, our cars are not here and we don’t know many people at this point. I depend on him for food, money, companionship, conversation, transportation, etc. I am beating myself up for not being “successful” and not contributing to our life together. I am just another thing he has to take care of…another job he has when he gets home from work. 

I am easily irritated because I am jealous of the fact that he has a purpose in this place and I am following in his footsteps. Currently I have to follow his lead while navigating this new military life. Obviously this is temporary. I will meet people. I will get familiarized with the lifestyle and location. I will hopefully find a job or hone in on a skill that can make me useful. I will stop feeling as lonely and homesick…..

I just hope it happens soon.

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