This blog began as a theriputic way for me to work out feelings I was having on moving to a new country and leaving my family and friends behind. It quickly became a way to record things I was learning about our new home and keeping people in California informed. Well today I need it for therapy.
It has been raining here all week, I’m cooped up inside, I have spoken to one other human other than my husband in a week, I’m still job hunting, and I am at an emotional state of the month (if you know what I mean). Basically my emotions are all over the place. I know it is thanksgiving and I have so many things to be thankful for this year. I feel like I have no right to be sad or complain about how things are going. Still, I feel like crying every time I even think of saying what I am feeling out loud. “I want to go home, even just for a little while. I miss everyone” I miss big groups of family getting together, cuddling with my dog, hanging out with my friends, having a classroom to work in, decorating for the holidays with my family, talking to people and feeling like you are a part of something. Right now I feel so lonely.
I’m annoyed because I just want to cry about it. I want to sit down in a corner and just cry it out. But every time I start to think about how I feel and the tears start bubbling up in my chest I quickly have to bottle it up because if I start getting sad now it will make the next four years even harder to get through. If I let even the littlest tear get out I’m quickly a sobbing mess.
My poor husband is excited and has already gotten used to this life and I’m stuck missing the other people I love. I feel bad because I want him to be around to keep me company because I’m feeling so lonely. Any time I try to explain what I’m feeling I have to stop myself quickly because I don’t want to be the crying dependapotamus wife.
I have gotten so desperate for a friend that I am messaging strangers on Facebook to see if they want to hang out and talk!