Lonely Venting

This blog began as a theriputic way for me to work out feelings I was having on moving to a new country and leaving my family and friends behind. It quickly became a way to record things I was learning about our new home and keeping people in California informed. Well today I need it for therapy.

It has been raining here all week, I’m cooped up inside, I have spoken to one other human other than my husband in a week, I’m still job hunting, and I am at an emotional state of the month (if you know what I mean). Basically my emotions are all over the place. I know it is thanksgiving and I have so many things to be thankful for this year. I feel like I have no right to be sad or complain about how things are going. Still, I feel like crying every time I even think of saying what I am feeling out loud. “I want to go home, even just for a little while. I miss everyone” I miss big groups of family getting together, cuddling with my dog, hanging out with my friends, having a classroom to work in, decorating for the holidays with my family, talking to people and feeling like you are a part of something. Right now I feel so lonely.
I’m annoyed because I just want to cry about it. I want to sit down in a corner and just cry it out. But every time I start to think about how I feel and the tears start bubbling up in my chest I quickly have to bottle it up because if I start getting sad now it will make the next four years even harder to get through. If I let even the littlest tear get out I’m quickly a sobbing mess.

My poor husband is excited and has already gotten used to this life and I’m stuck missing the other people I love. I feel bad because I want him to be around to keep me company because I’m feeling so lonely. Any time I try to explain what I’m feeling I have to stop myself quickly because I don’t want to be the crying dependapotamus wife.

 

I have gotten so desperate for a friend that I am messaging strangers on Facebook to see if they want to hang out and talk!

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7 thoughts on “Lonely Venting

  1. Sometimes, you just gotta get a good cry out. It’s OK to let loose of some tears every now and then. Keeping them bottled-up will cause the dam to overflow and flood at a time you won’t want it to happen. Your feelings are never insignificant and I’m sure David knows that and will be understanding. We miss you guys and will always love you no matter how fast and how long it will be between visits. I’ll start playing the lottery so we can all afford to come visit you!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yup. That’s why I missed out on all of you kids growing up. I am blessed to be married to Victoria who was raised with the same family values and cherishes the moments we all get together. This Thanksgiving, we are spending with her family in Palm Springs.

        Liked by 1 person

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